The Other Eye

The time we spend apart,
Alone in a single heart.
We fight for control,
Take turns feeling whole.
Mirror, somewhere here I lie,
Deep within the other eye.
Appear as one we act as two,
Far away I'm watching you.
Though nothing goes as planned,
Divided, we stand.

A beautiful sunrise.
A clear, starry night, preferably with a bright moon.
A dog who loves me unconditionally.
Getting that final flag capture to win the match.
A drawing that comes out just the way I want it.
Being perfectly in tune.
The feeling of becoming a better person.
When the cat falls asleep on my lap.
Discovering a band or song that makes me fall in love with music again.
Comfort in idleness.
A massive, flavorful cheeseburger.
Having a conversation while playing a video game.
A song that writes itself.
Those moments when exactly the right words come to mind.
Laughing until it hurts.
Irony.

I had a dream recently that I discovered a delightfully mundane word for describing something pleasant, and I was excited to incorporate that word into my daily speech (for the purpose of sarcasm, I believe), but I can't remember what the word was or if it was even a real word.  I think it started with an "a", it was not "amusing".  It has been nagging at me for a day now, pretty sure at this point it wasn't a real word.

Can't decide if I should try to forget about it or if I should retrace my steps and figure out what it was. 

Yeah.  That's the kind of stuff that happens in my brain.

This is the story of how we got kicked out of a show a couple days ago.

Joe, Terryn and I went to Seattle to go see Roxy Epoxy and the Rebound at El Corazon. It started off kind of oddly from the beginning. We were like 15 minutes late to the show, the first band was still playing. Everyone was inside, no line or anything. Each of us had a bag of stuff with us in case we were in Seattle overnight, so the bags needed to be searched. Right off the bat the bouncer seemed a bit rough, especially toward Joe. They took like 5 minutes searching through Joe's bag, at one point bringing it over to the cashier's podium. It took like 5 seconds to check my bag.

We got in and Joe checked in his backpack, we caught the last couple songs of the first act. There weren't very many people in the venue, especially compared to the last time we were there for The Crüxshadows. There was an intermission, then we saw Fever Club, the second act, do their thing. Once they were done, Joe said something I didn't quite hear and disappeared. He had gone outside for a smoke and didn't realize you have to be 21 or over to get back inside. Terryn and I could see from inside that the bouncer was arguing with Joe, pointing out the signs and stuff.

Joe took out his wallet and offered to pay again but the bouncer went berserk, accusing him of being baked out of his mind ("I'm Asian, asshole!") and shoved him further away from the entrance, against the band van parked on the street. At that point Joe was just trying to get his backpack again, which the bouncer at first refused to let him do. Then he took the pin from Joe, threw it at us and yelled at us to get our friend's bag. So we left, with Terryn and the bouncer shouting at each other.

Apparently someone outside saw Joe getting shoved and asked what happened, and who Joe came to see. When Joe said we were there for Roxy Epoxy, the guy informed him that he was the drummer and went inside to get Roxy. She came out, asked us what was going on, and tried to get us back in to no avail. She then let Joe know that they had secretly confiscated two tobacco pipes from his bag, which he had forgotten about. Roxy apologized, told Joe she was going to go inside and get him some stuff, and asked what shirt size he wears. She came out with her new album and a Roxy Epoxy T-shirt. We hung around outside, talking with Roxy (I got a hug and a picture) and some other band members, everyone introduced themselves, we were taken aback a little by just how nice they all were. I was super excited just to be in the presence of Roxy Epoxy let alone having a conversation with her, I look up to her a lot as an artist.

It sucks that we didn't actually get to hear who we went to see, but we did get to meet a bunch of band members so overall I think it was worth it. Hopefully we'll have another chance to hear them next time they're touring.

P.S. Joe gave me the shirt for my birthday. Best present ever.

Bosses in fighting games should never get:

• Throws that can't be interrupted (number one frustration)


• Fast, standard attacks that can hit you from across the screen and are easily spammed


• Attacks that have priority over everything you've got, including your ultra/super moves


• Throws that can't be interrupted


• Rapid teleportation (screws up your special move input when they teleport behind you, then in front)


• Counters you have to just be extremely lucky to get past because the AI reads your controller


• Long chains of juggling combos that wouldn't be allowed for other characters


• Did I mention throws that can't be interrupted?

Unless of course it's the point of the boss to make you lose over and over until you finally get lucky 40 minutes later. That's one reason why I don't normally play fighting games at arcades.

Damn you Goro, ALPHA-152, Seth, and more. Damn you all.

It is really hard to navigate LJ when it looks something like this: http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/328/ljmessedupkc0.jpg

I just made a huge rant at GameSpot because the community is making a fuss about Cliff Bleszinski's announcement that Gears of War 2 won't be ported to the PC, ever. I thought I'd bring some copypasta over here to see if anyone else has anything to add.
-----------------------------------

All you gamers who seem to think the only good games are for PC are delusional. Platform loyalty is pathetic. "if it wasn't for pc gaming the xbox wouldn't exist..." What the hell kind of logic is that? That's like saying all games should be ported to/from coin-op arcades because that's where gaming started. It's not economically feasible, too many PC gamers know the agony of buying a new game only to find it doesn't perform as well as it should despite meeting recommended system requirements.

Yes, there are many PC gamers with rigs good enough to play Gears on all the highest settings without any performance hitches, but are there enough of them to justify porting the game? I know PC gamers don't want to hear or talk about this, but be honest with yourselves. I'm not saying PC gaming is dead, I'm just saying there's a certain approach you have to take with PC games so you can make sure a wide variety of machines can run them, and that's not where Epic is focusing right now.

Now before you go calling me a "drone" or "lemming" for defending Bleszinski, I have a PC that performs about as well if not better than my 360. I have many more PC games than 360 games, but the industry is changing. Nobody is backstabbing anybody by adapting to those changes, and it's irrational to believe Epic should make all of their games for the PC just because they used to do that. Things change, that's how the industry has always been, and old-school gamers (not suffering from amnesia) should be acutely aware of that. How can you call yourself a gamer and get upset about these things if all you care about is the PC? You've missed out on so much, at this point even if Gears 2 lives up to the hype it'll just be another drop in the bucket. The gaming world is moving forward, wake up instead of crying about being left behind.

Sestinas are complicated. And weird. Also really awkward. This is a goofy sestina that Joe seems to have liked, personally I wrote it because I had to for class so when I read it I feel like it's a bit forced. I don't hate it though, so here you go.



Dr. Deranged

87 thousand people will burst into flames
Today, probably due to my poison.
I mean, at least 87, if not more. Their hearts
Obsess with chemicals, flowing through their bones
it travels through sound like lightning bullets,
ripping, tearing through charred flesh and maddened mind!

They call me crazy, insane, deranged, but I don’t mind.
when this world burns, when this planet is in flames,
We won’t need nukes, we won’t need bombs or bullets,
We won’t need war, we’ll just have my poison.
there will be nothing left but ash and bone,
there will be no one left to call me heartless.

They’ll see, they’ll know deep in their hearts,
I only had their best interests in mind
i know it, i know they’ll feel it in their bones
you will all be glad to go up in flames
everyone will thank me, thank me for my poison
only then will we be rid of bullets.

Or maybe… they’ll just thank me with bullets?
Maybe they’ll hunt me, with vengeance in their hearts?
maybe they’ll hate me, hate me for my poison?
There’s a decision, a contradiction in my mind
do i release the poison, cover earth in flames?
Or give the whole thing up, leave skin on your bones?

Alright. This is it. Decision time. Poison
Decision time. Time to decide. my bones
are quaking… No, stay on topic. In my mind
I know the answer. To rid the world of bullets,
And bad commercials, and hatred, and those heartless
Telemarketers, earth will be purged in flames.

And it will rise above the poison. Rise above bullets.
And they’ll feel in their bones, know in their hearts,
And believe in their minds that the world deserved to be in flames.

I had to memorize this one and recite it in front of class once. Totally nailed it. I was very pleased with myself.



The Delay

My future is being filed away
and ground down by inaction or so I'm told
I try to push my arms out and brace for the end
but it’s not the end, it’s the beginning
and I’m sick of it so I keep delaying
for as long as I can hold out
until my fingers start to go numb
and the sand rakes my skin away
and I let go from the edge and fall to…
I… sleep it all away because
nothing’s left in the morning
until I remember, and it hits so hard
I almost collapse and I bring my
hands to my face and ask myself, “why?”
but I know exactly why, in a way
it’s the same way when I start
and that’s how life is, it’s always
gonna be that way

...are great for found poems. If you don't know what that is, you basically just go through a magazine and cut out words you like and arrange them to make a poem.


Good Medicine?

Hope. Better than Prozac?
Powers of touch unveiled. Healing Power, go.
Stretch, strengthen and streamline oil, “bad” emotion.
Eat seeds of forgiveness. You can just be you, your body and mind.
Smile about self-restraint, knots I tie myself into.
Wisdom emerges from within. Discover an open mind.
Facing anger is damage control.
Tapping the Soul of Strength, harmonious music wisely
Lead deeper than ever before!

I finally decided to go ahead and start posting some of my creative writing ("poetry" you may call it, but that just sounds weird to me). I don't have a whole lot of it, so I'll stretch it out over a few days. I think I'll start off with my personal favorite, one I barely remember writing because I only did so on a whim, not for a class or anything. Enjoy.


Beyond Binary

Peel back the sky of my mind to reveal
Circuits and gears
I want to believe in chance
Concretely, or a calculating creator
Cowardice? Proof, ethereal evidence so elusive
Is he laughing right now? Does he see?
Directly my decisions or digital composition nerves
Firing chemical feelings injected artificial or
Analog, elevating past one and no
Make it so
Reality re-imagined a new design
Justice and truth or evolution and parasites
Win, but nothing lasts forever
Disintegrate

Dad let me drive his '50 Ford tonight. I'm the only person he has ever let drive it, it was his first time riding passenger.

It was awesome.

We started at about 10 last night. We finished a couple hours ago (11-ish today). There was about... maybe a 45-minute break in there when we went to pick up Jon.

It was a zombie movie marathon. Dawn of the Dead (1978). Return of the Living Dead. Day of the Dead (1985). Resident Evil. Undead. Dead and Breakfast.

Probably the most movies I've ever seen in a row like that.

I now know one thing for certain: I am prepared.

Unless it's the kind of zombie from Return of the Living Dead. Then we're all screwed.

http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?itemid=3249
McCain: "Grand Theft Auto IV is a sin against God."

http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/02/obama-talks-grand-theft-auto-at-campaign-stop/
Obama: “Turn off the television, turn off the video games.”

Hmm... It doesn't look good. Not that it ever does for video games in politics. I have to say though, I am glad Obama doesn't appear to be planning any anti-video-game legislation (so glad Clinton is out). He hasn't been complaining about the "murder simulators" or the "teaching kids to steal cars," he's only using video games as a metaphor for under achievement. I still find that to be insulting, but I think it's important that he seems to understand some games aren't designed for children, and that responsibility for what children play should stay in the hands of parents instead of the government.

Obviously that's not the only issue I'm basing my vote on, but it's important to me, especially because if everything works out right this issue will have a pretty direct impact on my future.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/05/seattle.kiss.ap/index.html?iref=werecommend

"I don't think it's right seeing women kissing in public. If I had my family there, I'd have to explain what's going on."

Wow. What a stupid justification for feeling uncomfortable about public displays of homosexual affection. I mean, come on, that's just a complete fabrication. He knows as well as anyone that there's no need for an explanation. Even if, for some reason, a child really did ask about it, the answer is exceedingly simple because it's the same reason why heterosexuals kiss: "Because they love each other." I know it's crazy, but it's true, homosexuals can feel love.

I think it's fine that people are uncomfortable with it. Most people probably are to a certain degree (America is afraid of sex), but those people who do feel uncomfortable about it shouldn't make everyone conform to their desires. And, they should at least come up with a good, honest answer if they're asked why it bothers them.

It's old news, but I just found out Neuroticfish will cease to exist after this year's Wave Gothic Treffen festival, which they're playing at tomorrow.

Nooo!! Why, Sascha, why!?

I redecorated my room yesterday. Well, I should say I started redecorating. It's taken many hours (two-digit range) and I've got all the big stuff like my TV, bed, and new desk where I want them. However, I have the huge pile of junk that is everything I own here on the floor with nowhere to go. The new desk is a lot bigger than the old one, so I don't have room for the drawers I used to just shove stuff in. Once I get all the stuff put away somehow, I'll finally be able to play Guitar Hero and the Wii the way they're meant to be played; with lots of room to move around. Also, I'm not using my bed as a couch to access the PC and consoles anymore, I'm using an actual chair. Weird.

In other news, I beat Devil May Cry 4 and Mass Effect, and I'm addicted to beef flavored Cup Noodles. Oh, and Dad survived major surgery. Had a disk replaced in his neck or something, it was risky stuff. Now he's supposed to have a six-week recovery time... that's going to be fun.

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20080206/120232362000.html

"Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose of painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication and other prescription drugs, the New York City medical examiner said Wednesday.

{...}

In a statement released through Ledger's publicist, Ledger's father, Kim, said Wednesday: "While no medications were taken in excess, we learned today the combination of doctor-prescribed drugs proved lethal for our boy. Heath's accidental death serves as a caution to the hidden dangers of combining prescription medication, even at low dosage." "

I'm glad to hear it wasn't a suicide. His death was sad enough as it is.

The first rule of Fight Club: The Musical - You don't talk about Fight Club: The Musical.

I wonder how that's gonna turn out.